I’m constantly torn between being too much and not being enough. I’m loud, I’m excited, I’m determined…I fear that I will come off as “too much for someone.”
I also have moments of doubt, comparison, people pleasing…I fear that I will not be enough for something or someone.
During one of my “I’m not enough” rants to my ever-so-loving boyfriend, I tried explaining to him why I can’t write. Recently I have felt this pull to journal more, but tonight I told him that I just can’t do it.
“Write about your story” he said. I thought, “Wow what an original idea…not.”
I’m not interesting enough. My story isn’t important enough. I’m a 20 year old who works at a fast food restaurant, goes to community college and teaches yoga part time. Doesn’t sound like a best seller to me.
“Your story is important enough because YOU are important enough.”
Do you know how much of a weight off of my shoulders that is? How many times do we strive to be “it”?
We live in a world that says “Do all the things!” “Chase all the dreams!” “Quit your job and fly to an island!”
I’m exhausted just thinking about those. Don’t get me wrong, those aren’t BAD ideas. They sound amazing! But society says “Do, do, do” when God says “Just be.”
It doesn’t say “Be constantly doing something, always on the move, never quitting and know that I am God.”
But it also doesn’t say “Be lazy, lie around, do nothing and know that I am God.”
What exactly does “Be still” look like?
I think through “Be Still” God is showing me that my effort, my striving, my need to do the next big thing, take the Instagram worthy picture, write the viral worthy post, none of that changes who God sees me as. And that takes a pretty big weight off my shoulders.